… burning you up from the inside out. The heat starts in your chest, and spreads like molten lava through your body. You get hotter and hotter until it feels like you’re about to explode. There’s no way of stopping it…

Looking around, I realise there’s a pile of my clothes on the floor beside me. I’m in Weigh to Go grocery shop on Leith Walk, with a dog lead wrapped around my legs and a queue forming behind me. A normal episode in my life, then. The pile of clothes I unzipped and dumped on the floor as I felt my core temperature rocket to an unfeasible high getting in the way as I juggle milk bottles, jars of dry goods and a hoover for a dog intent on vacuuming up oats spilt on the floor.

“Hot flushes, how bad can they be?” In the past I’d even joke that they’d be welcome over winter. You’d be excused for thinking the same if you’ve never had one. One might not be bad, but the sheer number and terrible timing (always when you’re stressed or sleeping) and resulting lack of sleep that wear some of us down.

The extraordinary thing is that no one really knows why they occur. It seems that the hypothalamus over-reacts, causing the body’s internal thermostat to malfunction. Imagine a boiler heating up without an ‘off’ switch and you get the general idea. Not that I’m calling myself an old boiler, but there are parallels.

The body gets hotter and hotter, and then as an emergency measure, starts sweating profusely to cool down. For many women, it’s sweat-soaked bed sheets that signals the start of something happening. And then you’re up at 3am shoving a load of sheets in the washing, remaking the bed, showering then trying to get back to sleep.

Or isolate yourself on the sofa, which is what I did so as not to disturb the household early days, when they were at the worst. Even snuggling up to your favourite pet can become unendurable. Poor pet has no idea that their usual hot-water bottle properties are not appreciated. HRT is an option, but side effects affect us all in different way and it was a route I tried and rejected. I figured if I’m going to be an old boiler at 50, I needed to embrace the heat.

The first thing I did was read everything I could about it - and guess what, even though there’s loads of literature on menopause, information on hot flushes (or hot flashes if you’re American) is thin on the ground. “Take HRT” or “avoid spicy foods” is the general advice offered. Given that it affects around 75% of women at some point you’d think more would be understood. I’m sure if it happened to men there would be a solution pretty quickly. So as the lone female columnist for this fine magazine I offer my top tips for living with a fiery inferno…

Stress can be a trigger, so flushes can give you a good idea of what situations are stressful. A good rule for life can be learned here, and you may find yourself opting out of certain things to have an easier time.

Weirdly sometimes when we’re stressed we hold our breath. I don’t know why, but a lot of us do. Take three deep breaths - it can take the edge off an impending hot flush.

Save on heating by switching it off.

Start a fan club: Whether in the bedroom or a mini-fan on your person, it can help. My USB chargeable fan was a thing of envy in crowded festival gigs. Don’t be afraid to proclaim an inconvenient flush. Sometimes naming it can make it easier, sometimes worse. But if you have a fan, you can always keep your cool.

Fast wicking clothes are those fabrics that draw moisture away from the body. Very good if you’re sweating numerous times in a day.

Likewise, zip through hoodies are an essential hot flush accessory. You can unzip and whip off a layer pronto, and it’s much less obvious that trying to hoick a polo neck over your head whilst talking to someone. There’s a fine selection on Vinted (none of them are mine, I love ALL of my hoodies).

Eat well: Recommended extras include soy (for the oestrogen), pumpkin seeds, Evening Primrose oil, flaxseeds – see if they help. I’m not sure if they do, but they are good for you. Avoiding booze is also helpful.

If you’re up numerous times in a night, you will lose sleep. Pre-empt this by getting to bed a good hour earlier. Confuse your household by changing from night owl to early bird.

I couldn’t get a hormone test through the NHS, so I paid Randox to take my blood and discover my hormone levels were at an impressive low. It gave me information I needed to progress.

I know I’m lucky to be here, and even though my body can feel like a warzone, I’m safe and healthy. Now we just need to get some more women’s words on these pages. Until then I remain your writer without portfolio. ■

Twitter: Bluesky@tracygriffen

Instagram: @griffenfitness