Priceless
The Queen’s Weekend Vicar

The year was 1981. Prince Charles and his bride Diana had arrived home from honeymoon, and I had been invited as guest of Her Majesty for the weekend to preach at Crathie Church on the Sunday.
A letter from the Queen’s chaplain explained I wouldn’t meet her until just before dinner at 8pm. When I should say ‘Your Majesty’ while giving a gracious nod of my head, and thereafter be careful to say ‘Ma’am’ whenever the Queen chose to speak to me.
I got out of my old car and had just started to lift my bag out when I was startled by dogs scurrying out of the castle, then I saw the Queen in a headscarf striding out on the heels of the six corgis. She gave me a smile and a wave. I felt quite nonplussed.
The Queen, having passed me, suddenly turned on her heels and strode towards me, her right hand outstretched and a most lovely smile. “I’m sorry,” she beamed in welcome, “I thought I recognised you as one of my staff, and then realised you must be our minister for the weekend. Is no one here to see to you?”
An amazing grace
My valet showed me to my room, unpacked my weekend bag and said: “I’ll be back to take you down at 7 o’clock. It may be that the Queen will ask you to say grace, would you be prepared to do this?” I said that would be a great privilege. “I hope you won’t mind, sir, but I’ve been told to ask you if the grace is likely to be long or short?” On hearing it would be short, the valet said: “Oh, Prince Andrew will be so pleased.”
I was told that at dinner I would be placed to the right of the Queen, and she would talk to me for the first half of the meal. This proved not to be the behaviour of the warm, gracious, and friendly woman who came up to me in the reception room before dinner and resumed our conversation at the table after I had said grace.
When our main course appeared I asked her if it was venison. “It’s roe deer which is much better”, she replied, passing me the only menu and asking if I’d like to take it home for my wife.
Later over dessert, she said: “One day I was walking the high path, talking with Prime Minister Mr Heath with my man some way behind, when a little yellow plane suddenly appeared low overhead. That was a fright! “Mr Heath’s face turned as red as that” - she pointed to my redcurrant pudding. “It turned out to have been American tourists wanting a look!”
Indiscreet Margaret
When I slipped into the drawing room at 7 o’clock, Princess Margaret was quizzing the others about when they had first been informed of the date of Charles’s wedding to Diana because she felt she ought to have been one of the first to know and was not.
I took the chance to tell Margaret that my wife and I had enjoyed the televised marriage service. “The cameramen focused on me when I was looking very sad, as if I disapproved of it all, when the simple truth is I love the hymn I Vow To Thee, My Country, which always moves me deeply,” she said.
When I replied that Diana had chosen that hymn, Margaret said she hadn’t known this, adding: “That girl has had a terrible upbringing and the Queen is hoping she will make us her family.”
A sore point
Saturday dinner over, I returned to the drawing room. The Queen left to call her mother but returned a few minutes later exclaiming: “She’s too busy to take a call from me, I’m worried because she has a very sore leg, and when I phone the Castle of Mey I’m told she is holding a cocktail party and is not to be disturbed. Sore leg and holding a cocktail party!” Smiles all round.
Charles added he also encounters problems: “I’m told I’m being put through but then she presses the ‘wrong button’ and cuts me off.”
Undercover queen
Later we met the Queen out for a walk alone looking relaxed. We had a long chat. I said I’d been brought up close to Holyrood Palace and it was rumoured the two Princesses often walked in King’s Park. “Yes, we did,” the Queen said. “I still do.”
“Surely you are recognised now?”
“Oh no. I like to walk whenever I get the opportunity. One summer, sailing up through the islands, I went for a walk and as I was making my way back I came upon a man stretched over a rock gazing through binoculars at the Royal Yacht. I asked, Have you seen much?”
“Not a thing,” he replied. “I’ve been staring for half an hour and I’ve not seen the Queen once.”
“Maybe she’s out for a walk, I said, before carrying on down.” ■
Info: Oh! It’s Yersel’, Ya Bugger! by the Reverend Jack Kellet (try Amazon Used)
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On hearing grace would be kept short, the valet said “Oh, Prince Andrew will be so pleased.”
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