So, when is a party not a party? To be honest, I’ve been invited to quite a few parties in my time, only to find out when I’ve turned up that there would be more life in a bone comb. However, they did have all the necessary elements for a party – alcohol. Well, that’s it isn’t it?

However, it appears that our burst couch of a Prime Minister can’t recognise a party even after he’s been invited to one, advised not to go or to sanction it, then dismissed that advice and turned up, had a couple of drinks and then stumbled back in to his expensively furnished flat while leaving the rest of the gathering to bash on until after midnight.

By the time you read this, a senior civil servant will have delivered a report into a whole series of parties held at No 10 Downing Street while the rest of the population were in lockdown following a personal request from the burst couch himself to stay safe and protect the NHS. I’m not going to go into all the technicalities of what the actual rules were while all these parties were in full swing, but it’s clear to anyone with a semblance of common sense, that officials and politicians flagrantly ignored those rules and carried on regardless.

And it would also be cruel to compare the goings-on in Downing Street with a Carry On film. The burst couch’s premiership so far makes any Carry On film look like Citizen Kane by comparison.

The bottom line here is that the whole of the country has been lied to, taken for mugs, and disregarded as fools by Johnson and his coterie of privileged, arrogant sycophants. Worse still, while Johnson, his wife and their chums were slugging back suitcases full of wine in the Downing Street Garden, thousands upon thousands of people were forced to watch on mobile phones and laptops as their loved ones died in hospital.

Those watching had taken Johnson at his word, stuck to the rules, stayed away from hospitals, didn’t attend gatherings and did everything they could to protect others. Anyone who thinks that Johnson has the slightest shred of sympathy for these people is completely deluded.

The fat oaf has been ignoring the rules for his entire life while guffawing up his sleeve at the poor suckers who play it by the book. Any disingenuous display of contrition in public is simply because he’s been caught, not because he’s sorry.

From what I read, the forthcoming report into the illegal parties and gatherings, will not recommend any sackings as this is apparently beyond the remit of the civil servant tasked with looking into them.

Given that, you can probably safely bet that the report will state that the culture in 10 Downing Street is one of arrogance, indifference and a sense that the rules don’t apply to those who live and work there.

That will be the cue for Johnson to wield the knife and sack a huge number of officials and advisers, and to start trumpeting that he is gaining back control and ready to lead the country as never before – that is, trying not to get caught with his trousers down – an almost impossible feat given his penchant for impregnating any woman who gets within striking distance.

The Tories themselves are at last beginning to see Johnson for what he really is – an incompetent, belligerent fool who is certainly becoming an electoral liability. The fact that it’s taken them this long is absolutely scandalous.

They were happy for him to be the poster boy for Brexit and to stir up scare stories about immigration which led to the Red Wall election where deluded voters thought that he was genuine about levelling the country up and voted in swathes for those Tories who shared that delusion.

Now that he has been exposed for what he really is, they can’t wait to distance themselves from him in order to save their own political necks. They’re shameless.

Some people are talking about Johnson being the great survivor. You don’t need me to tell you that in the event of a nuclear war, the great survivors will apparently be cockroaches.

God help the roaches if they find out they’ll only have the burst couch for company. ■