Dear Mrs MacPickle,

I have noticed that my concern about whether people are social distancing, and following guidelines or not, depends on how much I like them.

My neighbour across the way was jogging three times a day in deepest darkest lockdown and had his mates round for a BBQ way too early while sharing the salad servers and not sanitising the sauce bottle.

But I rather like him, and his friends are hot, so I don’t mind quite so much.

However, the lady two doors down from me annoys the shit out of me at the best of times and I felt like reporting her to the police for letting her son-in-law use her upstairs bathroom.

It doesn’t add up. I don’t like being this inconsistent, I feel like Dominic Cummings.



Now, now, my friend,

Please don’t be too hard on yourself. We are all programmed to be far more lenient on people we find attractive, and I am sure a global health crisis will only be heightening our evolutionary instincts.

I think we are all adding an extra layer of mascara on above our facemasks and noticing the deliverymen’s muscles a bit more at the moment.

No doubt risky BBQ man would impregnate you with hardy offspring, and your hormones can’t resist that.

Similarly, in lockdown people we don’t like tend to irritate us 10 times more, while breaking rules shows a lack of boundaries, which again, we are hardwired to be disgusted by.

My advice would be to be gentle on yourself, and keep your nosy neighbouring to the ones you fancy.