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Mrs MacPickle
Solves All Your Problems!

No withdrawal of bedroom privileges


Dear Mrs MacPickle,

My husband has decided he is going to grow his hair long. I am not happy about this at all. I did not agree, whilst taking the solemn vows of marriage, to effectively adopt a Bee Gee.

Aside from my aesthetic preferences, what havoc will this unleash on my drains? Also, what if this is the launching pad for an overall lifestyle change? It seems like a slippery slope to me. One minute he’s growing his hair and listening to Creedence Clearwater Revival tapes, the next its slack rope walking and vegan mayonnaise. What should I do?

P.S. Having read your column for a number of years, please don’t suggest I withdraw any kind of ‘bedroom privileges’. To be honest I scarcely give out enough of them to begin with.

Dear Friend,

This is a tricky one (although I would not have suggested any kind of sanctions along the lines you suspect) because bedroom sanctions never make for good marital diplomacy, once deployed he has you over a barrel you don’t want to be anywhere near. Which is to say he can cut his hair anytime and you’ve got no more excuses.

Rather - and I am sorry in advance that this is perhaps not what you want to hear - I think you should try and embrace his Barry Gibbness.

Perhaps you could get yourself a kaftan and float about trying to clasp your inner Mamas and Papas hippy vibe? Light a joss stick or two. Perhaps even give up shaving your armpits for a while? Your hubby shouldn’t complain, as he hasn’t got a hairy leg to stand on.

But if there is one thing you should be very, very firm on, it is this: It’s his job to clean the bath and/or shower!

Mrs MacPickle


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