Mrs MacPickle Solves All Your Problems!

Posted by in November's Magazine

I recommend a vague all-round “thank you” as you exit the Middle Door

Dear Mrs MacPickle,

As a long term Leith resident I am struggling to deal with the changes brought about by Lothian buses.  Don’t get me wrong, I couldn’t be more delighted with being able to pay with my card and not have to endlessly buy fruit gums I didn’t want from that shop at the bottom of Leith Walk that says NO CHANGE FOR BUS FARES in the window.



The thing is, for more than a decade now I have been stressing myself out of my little brain about whether I might accidently under-use a day ticket, or fail to buy one on a day I needed to take three buses. I have been known to go out when I didn’t really want to just to get my money’s worth, or walk home rather than get the dreaded Third Single.

What am I to do with all that neurosis now? What if it consumes me? And also, how is one to cope with the new Middle Doors in the Big Buses where one can’t say thank you to the driver? Is the whole of Edinburgh going to dissolve into bad manners?

Yours, B.G

Dear B.G, 

Goodness me, in all the years I have been writing this column this is one of the more bananas queries I have had, if you don’t mind my saying so. Alas I suppose even I need a break from telling people they just need some red lippy and a new bra from time to time. In fairness, regarding your second point, as someone who has been known to say thank you to the cash machine, I feel your pain. What I recommend here is a vague all-round “thank you” as you exit the Middle Door. Perhaps with a gesture of open hands, as if to say ‘thank you for being on the journey with me, fellow travellers’. You will look like a bit of a nut but might momentarily make the world a better place. Regarding the bus ticket neurosis, I’m afraid it might be a case of only time will heal. Perhaps some soduku will use up the extra brainpower? Or, failing that, maybe some red lippy and a new bra might help?

Mrs MacPickle

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