“Brexit is like an unwelcome pregnancy”


Posted by in July's Magazine

Mrs MacPickle Solves All Your Problems!

Dear Mrs MacPickle,

I am concerned that Brexit is affecting my sexuality. The other day I found myself enjoying footage of John Bercow Being Firm, and I actually heard myself saying “phwoar” as the Right Honourable Keir Starmer (MP Holborn and St Pancras, Labour) flashed up on the telly. Which, I feel sure you’ll agree is a bit of a worry. What is happening to me? 

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Yours Anon.

My Dear Friend, 

Please don’t be alarmed. Well, be alarmed at Brexit, and the general hideous political situation we all find ourselves in, but the sex stuff is not unusual (as Tom Jones would say, and even though he isn’t political I don’t think any of us would say no to him now, would we?). 

I think what’s happening is that Brexit is a bit like pregnancy, it has gone on for so long now we are all just bored and uncomfortable and ready to shag anything with a pulse. Hoping for there to be a new little bit of House of Commons legislation resurrected from a hundred years ago so Speaker Bercow can explain it to us  as the 2019 version of hoping your neighbour gets a parcel so you can flirt with the Fedex delivery man for a bit before tucking into another plate of custard creams. 

This too will pass! 

In a flurry of agony and swearing, no doubt.

Mrs MacPickle

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