Mrs MacPickle Solves All Your Problems!

Posted by in March's Magazine

“Working Your Way Through Half Of Girls Aloud”

Dear Mrs MacPickle,



I am having a problem with erotic dreams. But not the kind of problem you might expect, or the kind I have read about in your column before. The thing is, my erotic dreams are simply not erotic enough.

Every time I get to a point where I might actually be ravished by some hunky delivery man/fireman/teacher/sci-fi character, I bottle it and apologetically explain that I am married and can’t, you know, do the deed. The other day I even refused the advances of Paul Hollywood because I had a finance meeting to go to. What is wrong with me? Why is even my subconscious dull?

Oh My Dear Friend, 

What a tragic state of affairs, or lack of affairs! I am touched by your loyalty to your spouse but the finance meeting thing is truly depressing. It certainly sounds like you need to let go a little. But what can one let go of in waking hours that might help loosen things up a little when you are asleep? I think you probably need to do something naughty. Maybe you could write a romance novel and save it on a computer at work. I did that once.

Or you could go out with no knickers on (while avoiding those stairs in the KIrkgate shopping centre).

Or maybe you could ask your partner if he or she ever cheats on you in there sleep, and then once they tell you they have worked there way through half of Girls Allowed and most of Prisoner in Cell Block H you will feel a little more chilled out about your own nocturnal adventures? ν

Mrs MacPickle

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