Fridge Porn (TM)


Posted by in April's Magazine

Some time back, a friend of mine started a website called Fridge Porn, the nub of the idea being that you open your fridge door, take a photo of the interior, add the date, the city you live in and a line about the fridge items you can’t live without. Ours, bewilderingly, were ‘water, milk (skimmed), prickly heat cream (Billy’s)’. The friend observed that it was a healthy fridge due to the proliferation of ginger in it, indeed there were 4 different types (5 if you include the galangal): fresh, pickled, candied and sushi – which fact suggests it was more of a fixated fridge than a healthy one.

I was minded the other day to check if my fridge was still as obsessive as it was a few years back and I can reveal it’s got radically worse. Opening it was like being shackled to a nightmare. Welcome… to that nightmare.

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At the top is a tub of Kimchi, the side dish de jour in London at the moment, where it is served with Taiwanese bao buns and pulled pork. As recipes for bao buns are scarce online and I’ve had it up to here with pulled pork; that leaves me with the Kimchi, which is spicy, I don’t like spicy things. Languishing beside it is a large, rugby ball shaped green thing (tuber or radish?), of which I know the provenance but not it’s given name or, more importantly, what the hell to do with it.

The remains of my pickled cockles experiment loiter menacingly on the next shelf. Near neighbours include: a packet of Parma Violets rocks – from Seville 2009 – which have welded together into a piece of purple magma; two jars of Bismarck herring (sell by date April 2013 but, hey, they’re pickled) and homemade harissa paste (yay!) which remains obstinately unused.

Finally we have: reindeer salami from Austria (reindeer from Austria?); a tub of parmesan rinds that I always forget to put in pasta sauces for ‘added depth of flavour’; self-pickled ogen melon (it refused to ripen); a jar of extra virgin coconut oil for ageing skin (mine, I assure you, not my partner’s) and an unopened bottle of champagne (how did that happen? Are we re-gifting it?).

Nothing, in other words, that actually constitutes a meal. The only things, which make any sense in this frigid madhouse, are the castellated quartet of Tennents lager cans standing foursquare in the salad drawer. And that, surely, in the order of things, is as it should be.

Don’t dump on your doorstep
Gerry and Zsuzsa Farrell are the noble and selfless couple behind the much praised Leithers Don’t Litter campaign and you’ll see them littered (in a good way!) around this month’s Leither. If you have a few minutes spare, do take the time to read their article. Their mission statement is nothing less than to make our neighbourhood (that includes you at the back) litter free. This committed couple deserve our time and attention…why not adopt a street? Much more at: leithersdontlitter.org

Golf news just in…
Stevie Martin informs me (quite strongly) that he has just romped to a resounding victory in the Alan Breck Lounge golf section’s opening outing of the year. And he further suggests (with menaces) that this is worthy of report. Your editor is in wholehearted agreement.

One response to “Fridge Porn (TM)”

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