Posted by Carrie in August's Magazine
So I said my relationship with internet dating was over. I may have jumped the gun. Having spent an evening with my flatmates taking another look, I have found one, possibly even two men who seem to be a) sane b) not bad looking and c) over 5ft 7. Would I like to date them? Possibly. Am I willing to spend £30 to sign up so I can actually communicate with them? Hmm, not so sure.
£15 per man seems like a pretty high price to pay to send an email essentially saying: “Hey, I like the look of you, do you like the look of me?” Particularly when the answer to that question could be: “Actually, no – thanks for the offer but I’m not into blondes myself.” But then, as Liv (ever the romantic) pointed out, one of these men could be my soulmate and what’s £30 if it buys you a lifetime of happiness? Indeed. “I’ll stick it on my credit card for you right now, if you like,” piped up Carine. “But what on earth are you going to say in your profile?” Good question. The only reason I’d decided these two candidates had potential was largely thanks to the wit displayed in their ‘About Me’ files – but how would my own go…
<Hi, I’m a budding writer, who hails from Scotland, now lives in Hackney and currently works on a wedding magazine. None of these things will really tell you that much about me as a) I’m nowhere near cool enough to live in the East End b) I have almost zero interest in weddings and c) I’m not all that patriotic. In fact, the only things really ‘Scottish’ about me are my accent, my penchant for haggis, Deacon Blue and tablet, and my firm belief that Irn Bru is a wonder elixir that can cure all known ailments from hangovers to stomach flu>
Not really working, is it? All I’ve done is tell people what I’m not, perpetuate a few Scottish clichés, and probably sent most single men running for the hills by including the word ‘wedding’ in my opening gambit.
“Maybe it’d be better to keep quiet about the wedding stuff until you actually have a face-to-face encounter,” suggested Carine. “Why not talk about what you do like instead?” Okay. Here goes…
<Food, music and words are my three passions. I love to eat, I love to read, and I love good music. I don’t have very specific tastes in these areas – I will generally eat, read and listen to anything but if you pushed me, I’d have to confess that my greatest passions would be for any dish involving potatoes, any tune with an electronic 80s beat, and any writing which provokes a strong reaction. I have a really great group of friends, who are very important to me – mainly because it took me so long to find real, genuine people here in London. And if you were to ask me what my hobbies were, I’d have to say socialising with them. I don’t go to the gym, I don’t play any sports, and I’m not a member of any clubs or groups. I like pubs, I like parks, and I like holidays – do they count as hobbies?>
Right, how’s that? Hmmm, I seem to have painted myself as a lazy, wishy-washy, possibly over-weight bore who has an unhealthy dependence on her friends and an inherent dislike for most people in London. Possibly not a winning formula. One last try…
I moved to London from Scotland five years ago to pursue a writing career and am still eternally surprised I am actually paid to write. I guess that makes me modest, or perhaps lacking in confidence, either way, I am very happy I get to write for a living, and happier still that it allows me to live here in London, which I love more than I ever thought possible when I first stepped off the train from Edinburgh.
I’m open, honest (sometimes too honest), laid-back (that’s calm not lazy) and often sarcastic (is it really the lowest form of wit?). I love words and all the ways they are used – music, books, magazines, films, and of course talking, though I’d probably describe myself as more of a listener than a talker.
I love to laugh, sing out loud and dance – whether that be in a pub, at a gig, or in my kitchen at 4am when I should really be in bed. I stay up later than I should, drink more than I should and don’t really exercise unless you count my daily walk along the canal to work or the aforementioned kitchen dancing
I love 80s music, red lipstick, right angles, second-hand bookshops, mashed potatoes and being quiet. I also like to make a noise. You could say I’m a little contrary – but I’d probably disagree with you>
How’s that? Yep, I sound like a mental person. Oh dear.