No disrespect to my co-reviewer – which in modern parlance usually means every disrespect going though in this usage means exactly what it says – but I’m not big on vouchers; Groupon, 5pm, 2 for 1 etc. Mr Holmes, by his own admission, leaves the family pile with so many of the pernicious little buggers that he needs a, rather nice, man bag to lug them all round. He has tried a wallet but it would need to be fashioned from the hide of a whole cow.

My golden rule is that if you are going to eat cheaply then make sure a 100% of your hard earned (and their hard won) cash goes directly to the place of your choosing – with Groupon, for example, 50% minimum goes to them. After all there are any number of restaurants responding to these beleaguered times by offering bargains of their own – prix fixe, menu of the day and pre-theatre offers abound.

The Editor finds salvation in these beleagured times…without vouchers!...

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So it was that whilst checking the website of a restaurant recommended to me by (John) Holmes I found this: 2 course lunch with two side dishes for £6.95 and, get this, you can bring your own wine. Welcome to The Cellar Door on George IV Bridge – be forewarned, it’s hard to find, even their web site seems to place it in The National Library! It’s an awkwardly spaced, unlovely (but not unloved) restaurant. Whose ambience may be improved by night’s falling. Service was succinct – perhaps the curse of the single male diner who happens to look like Charles Manson – but swift.

From three very acceptable choices at each level I had the following.

Generous (homemade) smoked salmon sushi rolls with sinus clearing wasabi paste and a citrusy, refreshing beetroot slaw. The rice in the sushi was under cooked so there wasn’t that satisfying gloopiness but it tasted of its constituent parts.

A perfectly cooked, zingingly fresh wedge of Coley fish (you get sustainability for your £6.95 too) in a well judged lemon butter sauce. For sides, a meltingly soft, buttery mash that was Joel Rubuchonesque – I know, I know, let me explain – the bold Joel’s recipe for mash consists of half a pound of butter per pound of potatoes, taking the idea of ‘complex carbohydrates’ to a whole new level. Oh, and perfect, silky, wilted spinach.

Online shyster

I added a cheese board that I didn’t really have room for (I’ll explain later) but which never the less hit the spot: good, astringent, al dente apple chutney. A nicely creamy dolcelatte with that blue steeliness, a ripe but unexceptional brie and, I think, Mull cheddar with, as Neal’s Yard would have it, an almost alcoholic tang, Oh, and JACOB’S CREAM CRACKERS. Yey!!! That lovely, cloying, chalky texture…

So one middling/good course and one that was exceptional for £6.95, an absolute steal, you say. Well, yes, but my innate sense of fair play caused me to order an acerbically dry chenin blanc (£4.25) – which was only tasted, but good – as the keen pricing left me too embarrassed to ask for a jug of tap water. And I felt duty bound to order that cheese board (£6.50) in a, no doubt mistaken, altruistic attempt to boost the chef’s food margins.

Still, as I said earlier at least all my money did go to the restaurateur, not to some shyster online coupon trader that is on course to become the fastest business ever to achieve sales of 1 billion dollars. So let us make the Cellar Door our paradigm. I have absolutely no doubt, as already averred, that there are many others like it, there are bargains to be had, and once you’ve sampled their wares, and assuming you like them, why you can then go back for the ‘full monty’. In the meantime a sensible, well-balanced person can expect to be in and out of The Cellar Door for £6.95. A misguided, neurotic, patronising and, why not, pretentious twat like my good self can expect to pay £17 odd.

Value: Stratospheric
Food: On the side of the angels
Groupon Factor: Mercifully none

The Cellar Door
44-46 George the IV Bridge
0131 226 4155
thecellardooredinburgh.com

Open 7 days           Lunch: 12-3           High Tea (High Tea?): 3-6        Dinner: 6 to late         Sunday only Brunch: 11-4.30