Tania Chamberlain is the brains behind, hem hem, Tartan Willie. The fellow in question is an eight-inch tartan penis with – and there is no other way to put this – ball bags.

He is in effect a soft toy, but a soft toy with a serious message; he is here to raise awareness of testicular cancer and sexually transmitted diseases (there is a zipped pocket at the front for a condom or, heaven forfend, money). Tania has lately made a full recovery from breast cancer and she knows how positive you have to be to get through the treatment. At the same time she noticed that breast cancer awareness had a high profile, not so testicular cancer, more so as men are notoriously reticent to check for a lump on their, well, bollocks.

Personally I think Tartan Willie has missed his calling…he should have been a novelty baseball cap...

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As Tania says, “everyone laughs when we tell them about Tartan Willie, so we hope sufferers will smile too and hopefully alleviate any embarrassment they may feel.”

So, Tartan Willie is basically a soft toy – personally, I think he has missed his calling; he should be a novelty baseball cap – to be worn around the waist like a sporran, by both sexes. Indeed you can where him under your kilt. Scottish football fans, imagine the fun to be had when a gorgeous Brazilian girl (okay knowing our luck, a Welsh girl on a wet wednesday in Swansea) asks the immortal question… “What’s under your kilt big boy?” What? That’s what they usually ask me, although in truth I’ve never worn a kilt. Maybe I should stop wearing skirts.

Anyway, to the sound of plots being lost, I shall conclude. They are made in Black Watch, Royal Stewart or Gordon tartan and, if necessary, can be made to order in a particular family tartan.

For info: A percentage of each sale will go to Testicular Cancer Awareness Group in Scotland. www.tartanwillie.com Illustration: David Barton www.limpfish.com

Win: a Tartan Willie t-shirt by answering this simple question: What colour is the wind?