Hello, hello
Posted by a Contributor in January's MagazineI read it, then I read it again. I looked outside to check there was indeed snow on the ground and Christmas cards in the mailbox, before screaming a silent scream. It was not, as I had fervently been hoping, April 1st.
A University is to host a workshop next June, so far so good. Here’s the catch, it is to be held for police officers and conducted by ‘hypnosis specialist’ Tom Silver. I know, I know, but it gets worse. It is to teach serving, hitherto sane officers, a new way to unlock the criminal mind by using ‘the deepest and most receptive states of hypnosis’ in the interviewing process. You can imagine; “Just relax, watch the slowly spinning tape wheels, and we’ll begin.”
Carlsberg Special Brew
This departure from the real word is championed by police constable Mark Hughes, an ‘investigative skills trainer’ with the local Constabulary. No, you’re right, if he’s that good, I don’t know why he’s still a constable either! I can just imagine an inspector somewhere saying, “So he’s definitely somewhere he can do no harm?”
To quote the hapless plod, “Putting people in a receptive brainwave state makes it much likelier that the truth will come out.” He describes this as “another tool in our armoury.” The word ‘tool’ had long since come to mind, but not linked to armoury.
So, that’s the sales pitch? Sweet Jesus… feeding them four cans of Carlsberg Special Brew could do that! It would also be a damn sight cheaper as this ‘course’ costs £1,370 for 6 days. Can you imagine the pish up two policemen and the accused could have on that?
In Scotland the six-hour detention limit would have to be forgotten of course. Can’t get any worse? Wrong. “Forensic hypnosis is a scientific approach, special helmets monitor brain activity and those who are lying have wide awake brain patterns.” It could just be me, but so do folk who are, well, wide-awake. Being dragged into a police interview room does tend to spark you into consciousness… so much for the right to silence.
Needless to say, the eejit who is hawking this nonsense – along with matching tie and socks sets no doubt – is a ‘celebrity’ hypnotherapist. Mr. Silver, the article boasts, has appearances on Montel Williams and Ricki Lake chat shows under his belt. Well Tom, so do folk who marry their household pets in a mutually satisfying and loving union.
I wouldn’t tell you the time using my watch, let alone risk your interpretation of my thoughts getting anywhere near the Fiscal’s desk!
The final ‘sell’ I leave to constable Deadhead; “Forensic hypnosis does not prove guilt but it can open up new lines of inquiry when traditional methods have failed.” I think that he might find dropping a tab of acid would have the same effect.
Evening all,
Alan Muir.